Comparison Without Context Is the Thief of Joy
The phrase “comparison is the thief of joy,” often attributed to Theodore Roosevelt, is considered, regardless of its actual origin, a truism. However, careful reflection would indicate that it is not entirely accurate. The phrase is incomplete. It is comparison without context that is the thief of joy. Comparison can be an effective tool to help understand where one is excelling and see where one has limitations and room for improvement. Comparison is very much a necessary feature in the lives of those who are committed to progress and improvement, and it does not necessarily have to diminish joy.
Contemporary discussions of comparison are often linked with social media. This is for good reason. Social media is the space where the unhealthiest comparisons occur. Many are made to feel inadequate because they are comparing their real lives to the wholly fictional performances of social media influencers. Some people who are not aware that social media is mostly a mirage even go as far as to try to copy the lives of their favorite influencers. Social media influencers have mastered the art of displaying lives of luxury that would suggest immense wealth without them actually possessing wealth. For the most part, genuinely wealthy people do not spend their time on social media obsessively trying to make sure that people know that they live in the lap of luxury. Social media takes away joy because so many people have been hoodwinked into comparing themselves to things that do not even exist in reality.
Joy that can be scotched by comparison is not rooted deeply enough within a person, and it is also emblematic of a considerable lack of gratitude. When comparisons are made within the proper context, lateral and upward comparisons are sources of great inspiration and motivation, and downward comparisons engender immense gratitude. People who find their joy stolen by comparison very rarely engage in downward comparisons. In other words, they seldom count their blessings. It is important to consider the two areas where context matters with respect to comparison.
Time
People often compare themselves unfavorably with those who have had more time to succeed. Instead of being discouraged, such comparisons should give people a view of what is attainable with time, dedication, and hard work. Time is often viewed as synonymous with age, but this is not always the case. Life is not linear for every person. A younger person may have had more time to succeed in a chosen area than an older person who started later in life because of life’s vicissitudes. However, for the most part, success is generally something that happens later in life. Lamentably, society has been strangely convinced that the only worthwhile human beings are those who reach success when they are young, which is why distinctly average people are feverishly trying to market themselves as wunderkinds, as seen by the fascination with Under 30 and Under 40 lists. (See my essay Against the Commonplace Wunderkind for more.) Success, attained legitimately and ethically, cannot be reached overnight. Success undeniably takes time, and it is senseless to ignore this context when engaging in comparison.
Opportunity and Resources
Some people have more opportunities and resources than others. When engaging in comparison, it is vital to consider these contextual factors. If one is working alone with limited resources, it makes little sense to compare oneself unfavorably with someone who has an entire team of support and endless resources at their disposal. Such a comparison is unproductive because it will never look fair. Not having the opportunity and resources to build as easily as others does not mean that one cannot pursue greatness. It simply means that one will have to create one’s own opportunities and be resourceful in the pursuit of greatness. This necessarily takes effort, and inappropriate comparisons with people who had opportunities and resources presented to them on silver platters will likely diminish one’s joy.
It is important to understand that sometimes the expectation of opportunities and resources being provided can also be a reason for the depletion of joy. Having a spirit of entitlement where one has the mentality of being owed something by the world is the quickest route to a life of misery. When one expects nothing from people but appreciates everything, one can be grateful for the ways in which people provide opportunities and resources—irrespective of how limited. When no help is provided, there is no room for disappointment because there was no expectation present at the beginning.
Ultimately, comparison does not have to be seen as a negative phenomenon. Within the correct context, it is unmistakably positive. That some people have the tendency to make comparison into an unhealthy competition does not negate the fact that it is a necessary tool of evaluation. Without the understanding of where one is relative to previous versions of oneself and others, it is nearly impossible to properly evaluate progress. There is nothing inherently unvirtuous about comparing, nor does it necessarily foster self-loathing. If done correctly, comparison can produce joy, inspiration, motivation, and create a font of sincere gratitude.